


A Message Home

by fandom_fiction



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Confessions, Guilt, Lies, a message home, a very distressed pidgeon, between episodes 4 and 5, voltron season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-04-05 07:51:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14039589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandom_fiction/pseuds/fandom_fiction
Summary: “Hey, so I had everyone record messages for our families...." -Hunk, S5 E5Pidge felt guilty about breaking into the Garrison. She felt guilty about hacking into the system. But most of all, she felt guilty for the string of lies she's told so many people. With the war beginning to reach a climax, Pidge knows that her mom deserves to know why her little girl disappeared.But was confessing her crimes the right thing to do?





	A Message Home

 

Pidge exhaled, pacing back and forth in the small room where they have been filming their own personal vlogs throughout their journey out here in space. The camera was set, hooked up to her laptop, and the designated memory stick was secure. Whatever happened would automatically be saved onto the drive. They were supposed to be sending messages home- out to their families to tell them that they were okay. But... the only one back home kept in the dark was her mother. Everyone was out here in the endlessness of space.

The techie slid into the chair, reaching over to the camera to hit record. This was it. No turning back. “Hi, Mom....” She greeted awkwardly, nervousness seeping into her voice as she fidgeted and adjusted Matt’s old glasses on her face. “So... Blast from the past, huh?”

The last time Colleen Holt had seen her family all together, Matt had been the one with the short hair and glasses.

Maybe it was the her trying to break the tension.

Maybe she was trying to bring back fonder memories.

Maybe it was to ease her mom into her confession.

Maybe she was trying to ease _herself_ into confessing everything to her mother.

Whatever the reason, the Green Paladin didn’t know.

It was a stupid line.

Pidge knew it.

Okay, yeah. This wasn’t working.

“Mom... before we get any further, I’m okay. I’m okay. Otherwise you probably wouldn’t be viewing this.”

The techie sighed, shaking her head. Who was she trying to reassure here?!

Her mother?

Herself?

Right here, in this moment in time, Pidge felt like she didn’t know anything anymore.

“I know you have questions you need answers to, but I can only answer so many of them here. Long story short, Shiro crash landed in a pod by the Garrison. Some friends of mine and I went out to help him. We found this massive 10,000 year old giant blue lion that’s actually a ship, and it took us out here into space. These lions are far more advanced than anything on Earth, and they’re 10,000 years old! The technology out here is incredible! Drones hovering left and right, machines powered only be the energy of a crystal, robot centuries, cubes that mimic their surroundings… And there’s life out here in the universe. Other life. So much of it, and it’s amazing. We’ve seen everything from jungle planets, massive creatures that consume the remains of dead planets, Planets that are practically a living organism itself... It’s unbelievable. Completely unreal! And I know dad will tell you so much more when he’s home safe. After all, finding other life has been his life’s work…”

Pidge closed her eyes, looking down at the table and holding her head in her hands. She couldn't bear to make eye contact with the camera. The shame looming over her refused to let her. 

God, she was rambling.

Stalling.

And it killed her.

The anticipation.

The anxiety.

The guilt.

All of it was bubbling inside- clawing itself out and making itself known.

“Mom, we’re fighting a war out here. We are saving planets and defending the universe. Though it looks like we can win, we don’t know the final outcome. So... I want to tell you this. You know; just in case...” she let her sentence fade into nothing, trying to gather her thoughts and avoid tangents.

Suddenly, all means of speech seemed to have left her. Words struggling to escape the confines of her mind.

“I... I’m sorry, Mom. I’m so sorry. I’ve lied to you. Ever since I got my letter from the Galaxy Garrison, I’ve lied to you from day one. I’ve had to. I enrolled under an alias using Matt’s nickname for me because I’m not allowed on Garrison property. I snuck in one afternoon while you were at work- hacking into the systems to try to find information on the Kerberos Mission. To find Matt and Dad. So, since then, I’ve posed as a boy in my application, my phone interview, all the way through attending the Garrison myself. I’ve lied to you, and I’ve lied to everyone.”

The Green Paladin shook her head, unable to keep the tears back. From all the time spent out here in space, Pidge had only cried four times: once when Hunk and Keith went to go track down the skultryte, the second when she had though Matt was dead (and later when he was found), the third when Keith left Voltron to go join the Blade of Marmora, and the fourth when her father had already been taken from the work camp. No one knew.

Not Lance.

Hunk.

Allura.

Coran.

Keith.

Shiro.

_Matt._

_Her dad._

_Her mom._

Until now. Even after they all figured out she was a girl, none of them knew. But in the event she never made it back to Earth, her mother deserved to know what happened to her Katie Bug.

“So, out here in space, I found Matt; and we both tracked down Dad. He’s okay, Matt’s okay. Everyone is okay. I-I’m Sorry, mom. I’m so sorry. I should have just told you the truth. I shouldn’t have done what I did. I should have kept my nose where it belonged. I know how badly you all wanted me to get in. You knew how badly _I_ wanted to get in. I’ve committed treason, run away from home, and Katie Holt had practically disappeared off the face of the Earth.”

She was shaking, every word a powerful blow- knocking her down and down again before ultimately crushing her.

Reducing the teen to nothing more than a child.

“I don’t blame you! You’ve lost EVERYTHING within the span of the year, wondering where we all could possibly be. Love me, hate me, be mad at me, I don’t care! I just can’t take it anymore because no one here knows. Not even Matt or Dad. But... I figured that if even just one person was to know, it would be you. You deserve answers.”

The weight had been lifted from her shoulders, but now it was tied to her feet- drowning her in an endless sea of guilt and anticipation.

How would her mother react?

How would she respond?

When Pidge made it back to Earth- _if_ she ever made it back to Earth, she would never know until then.

Offscreen, she reached out, fingers on the button to stop the recording. To save it onto the device and have the anticipation and guilt fester away.

“I’m sorry.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, everyone! This is a quick one-shot I decided to type up. They all recorded messages to their families, but nearly all of Pidge's family is in space with her. So, what would she even say to her mom who's stuck back on Earth wondering what has happened to her little girl? I figured Pidge would give some answers because she deserves to know. 
> 
> Here's some angst, I guess? You can come at me with the torches and pitchforks afterwards. There's a vender down the street where you can get them cheap.


End file.
